Trekkin' Out West

*Because I wanna be a cowboy, baby...* Actually, I have no idea what direction Mae Rim is from Chiang Mai or if that's even the region where we trekked. But I know we drove through this region because *I saw the sign*.

Alex said to be ready at 8am to be picked up by whoever our driver was to be for that day. Now, most have heard of "Mormon Standard Time." Well, Southeast Asia has a similar "Standard Time." It's usually something to the effect of: "you'll get picked up at 7am and then at 9:30am you get into the vehicle." So, I decided to travel on my own to the travel agencies...and Kimi and I were gonna have a cheap yummy breakfast at this little Thai cafe called, Joy...something or other.

Then after 9am (and the pick-up-truck was late...but this time by only like 15 or so minutes...and not the usual 2.5 hours) we hopped up into a roat...something...I'm not sure if it was daeng or another "sii", nevertheless...we hopped up in it and drove off. We stopped at this little market and got some waters and little snacks. I bought some apples...and they were delicious, but not particularly beneficial for my TMJ. I also saw the cutest pink shirt that I wanted to get...but they were hollarin' after me to come get in the truck so we could continue out trek out west!

Again we were off, then we decided to make a pit stop at some lovely waterfall called "Buatong Waterfall and Jedsee Foundtain Forest Park," according to the translation on the sign. (I think outside of cute babies, the sights I've seen the most are waterfalls, wats (Buddhist temples), and Buddhas. And I think I'd be perfectly content never seein' a wat or a Buddha ever again. To put it bluntly, "I'm Buddha'ed out!")

The waterfall was rockin' awesome. We hiked up it...and I think the stone substance was actually a sedimentary clay...not I'm an earth scientist or anything. But that is my educated guess. Some kids tagged along with us. They were cute--as usual. It's gotta be the BIG brown eyes. I melt everytime I see 'em.

(This is why I find Alex so attractive...)

Then at the 'Forest Park' aspect of the pit stop...we went and drank some water from the natural spring that will supposedly keep me young and healthy. Instead, I'm positive the water could have given me AIDS and the dreadful knot! Either way, I fearlessly drank the water. It tasted kinda dirty...but I perhaps felt five years added onto my life?!?! :) There were also a katrillion butterflies flappin' around and I tried to get a couple of shots. However, my camera is slower than dirt. Most of the shots didn't turn out, I regret to inform you.

(I took lots of pictures of this flower thing tryin' to figure out what the heck it was and how to photograph it...)

(One actually held still for me!)

(This Forest Park was very clean unlike several other places in Thailand. At Jedsee they even organize they're trash into different bins. One for food waste, one for glass, etc., etc.)

After our adventure-hike, we were followed by trash-ninjas down this little dirt road where we were dropped off. Once we stepped foot off of the song taw, we were attacked viciously by 'free-market capitalism'. Jing-jing, jaw! I promise! Little hilltribe women immediately shoved nice, hand-made, shiny objects into my face. The trick is to not show interest. But I didn't learn this trick until after the battle was complete. They ate my alive! I was demonlished. Our guide shoed them away while we ate our lunch. I think we had pad thai (?) and I certainly remember the yummy, yummy bananas. Wherever it was that we ate, there were the cutest little ducklings and pigs!
After we finished eating lunch, we were immediately attacked again! So I bought something from one of ladies. But then the first lady that came up to me when I got off of the back of the truck started complaining about how she came to me first and she doesn't have any money and that I really liked her product...blah, blah, blah--guilt trippin' me and pointing to her starving child. This is the strategy...the starvin' kids get me every stinkin' time! Basically, you have to be cold and hard...and not look 'em in the eye...and just briskly walk past them all. Lucky for them...I was weak and I didn't know such tactics at this point in time. And I ended up surrendering to free-market capitalism and purchasing something from every stinkin' hilltribe lady that came down the road. So I hope everyone is delighted with their souvenirs when I come home. :) haha.

(Free-Market Capitalism!)

(Starving boy...)

So this little dirt road in the middle of heaven knows where is the official beginning of the 'trek'. We pasted through some big cliffs and some tall cornfields. We hiked past alotta trash in the woods. Then some workers on the hillside fields...even a few seed houses. We took a break every now and again so our guide could smoke a cigarette. All in all, good, clean fun! :)

(This wasn't organized trash...)

(Our guide pickin' something with the worker.)

(Seed house--where the seeds for the next season are stored.)

Once we arrived in our little village, we were greeted by some of the locals and their children. Men were doing construction on this green, very high-so looking abode, where we were not staying. Instead, we set up shop in a small bamboo/stick. All six interns...everyone had a bamboo rug, a smelly, urinated on, I'm not sure that last time it was washed blanket, and a pillow of the same quality. But the good news was that we had mosquito nets which come quite in-handy. Our village didn't have electricity either. Not that I need electricity or anything. It was rather pleasant to have our night time activities lit via candle and bonfire. :) So basically...we were roughin' it campin'-style...except in a "house" of sorts.

(Thai construction seems a little shaky to me. They strap bamboo poles together with some wood string stuff...and then the guys climb up there without any safety gear. Even though the scaffolds aren't very sturdy...it's ok because no one weighs more than twenty pounds anyway, so it won't break...)

(My friend here chews beatlenut. Mmm, mmm good!)

The bathroom/shower situation was your typical outhouse-ish, squatty potties in separate stalls without toilet paper. The villagers weren't good flushers either. (And by flushing I am referring to the 'scoop the water out of the bucket with a bowl and dump it into the squatty potty' routine). Everytime I went to use the toilet...it was full of someone else's bodily fluids...and that ain't nice. Not one bit. The shower was fun and actually quite genius! What they did was run a pipe up through the crack between the wall and the roof..and they tied it to some bamboo so the faucet could hang down and "shower" you, so to speak. And they stuck a two-by-four in the wall so you could put your soap on its ledge. :) To my delight, I even got to shower with a little toad! I didn't kiss him though. I wanted to leave the next lucky shower-er his/her prince! ;)

After we unloaded our gear, we were given a bit of free time to explore the grounds...and basically entertain ourselves. Chelsea and I partnered up and immediately discovered that the whole village was practically set up to cater to our "farangness." Now there is this stigma to being a farang (white)...you are automatically deemed rich...and can buy one of everything at whatever price from any and every vendor. We were lucky this time because the women did not chase us down the road like they literally had done previously in the day. So we stopped at the little market-like tables at each house and looked at the items and talked to the people. The women chew beatlenut. I think it's a substance similar to chewin' tobacco...except...perhaps? it's not tobacco. It's beatlenut...but there is somethin' in it that is addictive...and it causes the women to have black/red teeth. I tried to sneak these pictures 'cause I didn't want to be like, "Smile, show me your teeth! hu, hu, I'm a tourist!"

(This sneak shot turned out pretty good! Woo hoo!)

After Chelsea and I purused the goods, we headed down a lil' dirt, pothole filled road that went somewhere we didn't know. Along the way, Chelsea decided she had to pee. Now, Chelsea ain't the squattin' in the woods kinda gal. Not that squattin' in the woods out here would be anymore unsanitary than squattin' on a squatty potty. Nevertheless, the principle of the matter is that she's not that kinda girl. So we walk, and walk, and walk...until we find a school. So we show ourselves through the gates. I make a pathetic attempt to semi-communicate with the kids playin' soccer to ask them "hong nam thii nai?" (where's the bathroom?) After twenty so-odd kids finally grasp the concept of toilet...they show us where the facilities are located. When Chelsea finished her business...we asked if we could play soccer with them. They said sure. And come to find out...most of the kids were monks! [Now this is the part of the story where I turn into the villain. So if you like the halo-wearin' Sondra...don't read any further!] The thing about monks is that they aren't suppose to touch girls and girls aren't suppose to touch them. Now, anyone who has ever played soccer with me knows that I have atrociously bad eye-foot coordination. Nevertheless, I try to run with the big dogs. And if there is a man with the ball, I stay on him in magnetic defense. Therefore, I don't think it necessary to outline the following details. Nevertheless, I would like to confess that my body did come into contact with the body of other 'players.' That's all I'm sayin'. But my intentions were pure. };) The monks were corrupted. I blame it on Chelsea bein' so darn cute. Of course, the situation somehow got instigated when after two hours of playin' the the sweltering heat...we took pictures with them...and then they gave us their mobile numbers. [P.S. I was playin' in flip-flops...so I sprung my ankle really good. That's why we ended the intense game. I guess that's my karma for ya, according to Chelsea. Good thing I don't believe in karma!]

(The boys in the orange are the monks. The boys in street clothes are not monks. The monks take off their top robes and tie their bottoms into diapers like this when they play soccer. I can't say that it's very appealing. But it is picture worthy!)

(The little boy in the blue was so stinkin' fast. I ran him over and plowed into him so many times. He was immortal practically.)

(This kid was cheesin' so hard. I think we totally made his day!)

Then our little friends took us up to this Buddha cave. I mean, it was filled with Buddhas. Maybe Buddha himself even discovered the cave, who knows?! Anyway, Chelsea and I impressed our friends even more when we knew how to pay respects to the Buddha. Then I went swimmin' in a mudhole with some of the other little boys who were NOT monks! After my lil' dip in the hole...we caught a ride back into the village on this pick-up truck. I was tryin' to take pictures. I don't know how many of us crammed into the bed of that truck...but it was rather dangerous. I was sittin' on the side of the truck and it was bumpin' up and down the road all hoopity-like and I was tryin' to capture the moment. haha. I nearly lost my life. But I lived to tell the tale! Aren't you grateful?

(Look at all that Buddha...)

When we got back to the campgrounds we had lunch with the gang and bragged about our adventures of findin' a Buddha cave and playin' soccer with monks. I had a little bit of a headache. But I just brushed it off on the heat, 'cause it was stinkin' hot...and I was probably a little dehydrated. Plus I'm not as young as I once was and chasin' after that one little boy probably nearly killed me. For dinner we had rice, of course, and some potatoes which were so wonderful. I love potatoes. They don't eat 'em too often over here in Southeast Asia. In Russia, I survived off of potatoes and gretchka. We had some vegetables with meat...I can't really remember...but we definitely ate some snake. That was fun. And I'm sure it's one of the many snakes we passed along the trail trekkin' into the village. But it wasn't *nothin' but a g thang* 'cause I've eaten snake at home in Louisiana...along with numerous other rodent/creatures. Hallelujah for the south!

Anyhow, after dinner and a bottle of water...I was still feelin' a little headache. So I thought I'd take a couple minutes to lay down and rest in the hut. Kimi gave me some medicine. Then our guide invited us out to a bonfire where the little girls were gonna put on a dance for us. They were probably the cutest things ever. If you look through the pictures...try to find which little girl I adored most. She's practically in every picture because my camera followed her all night!

(Yeah! I was SO excited when she came and sat in my lap!)

(Our guide got so stinkin' wasted on the money we paid for the trek. Then when the morning came for us to add up our drinks from the night before [i.e., coke, water] he tried to charge us for about forty waters when we only had in reality eight! What a joker!)

(These kids were hilarious!)

After the bonfire escapades, it started to rain...so we hustled to the hut. Everyone got into the mosquito nets. I still wasn't feelin' so hot. Actually...I was feelin' utterly hot...but that's besides the point. Alex strips down to his G's and we're all beggin' that the candle be put out, then Chelsea decides she wants to play 'Truth or Dare.' All I wanna do is go to sleep so I will wake up and feel better. But I'm also semi-interested into what's gonna go down in this round. Now this wasn't REAL 'Truth or Dare' by any means. It was Chelsea going around the room and asking each individual, "Truth or Dare?". Round one I actually had to get into Stanley's tent and do something "provocative" and take a picture. Below are the results: This went on for about two rounds when suddenly I finally found myself in Nate's tent havin' hot and cold flashes. (I was in there with Chelsea and she was touchin' his butt...so don't worry.)

(Stanley Langford Lloyd! You stop pretendin' you don't like my lovin'!)

At one point I got so hot that I wanted to take my shirt off (I was wearin' my G's underneath.) The pounding in my head got stronger and more severe by the minute. Then every soul in the hut started donating their water bottle to my cause. Then suddenly I got the taste in my mouth (which since I was a small child has notified me that it is NOW time to throw up)...and I tripped out of my mosquito netting and into the pitch dark of night. Chelsea chased after me. The candle was still back in the hut...all I had to light my path were the stars...I could find the moon...but I didn't really have time to look...Here I am tryin' to be courteous and not puke on our shoes, our picnic table, or our walk way...the bathrooms were only ten yards away...but I only managed to make it to the end of the hut. Out came all the water, all the rice, the chicken, the snake...all of it...on the ground...soon to get eaten up by the rooster and his followers. I went back inside to get my tiny flashlight so I could get the squatty potty water bowl and rinse my regurgitated dinner down the hill. See, I'm somewhat nice...even when I'm sick.

(Here is where I threw up the night before...ewww! You can see some rice still...it's gross!)

I can't believe I'm sayin' this: but it actually felt so good to throw up. I've never enjoyed throwing up when I'm sick. Especially dry-heaving. But this time it really relieved all the pressure inside my head and I felt fifty percent better. When I went back inside and Alex said I needed to drink a coke. The caffeine would help my headache and the carbonation would settle my stomach. So Chelsea went to fetch it...and I swallowed it down quite rapidly and fell instantly to sleep. I woke up feelin' like a rock star and ready to conquer a new day. Which was good news since the itinerary included RIDIN' AN ELEPHANT AND RAFTIN' DOWN THE PING RIVER ON BAMBOO!

Off we were again before breakfast. Nate wanted to see our cave discovery. So we lead the expedition!

(Thai construction...)

("Thai herb")

(I took this picture specifically for my family and the inside joke we have about "Malachai Country.")

(When we were hikin' back up into the cave on day two, Chelsea got fiercely attacked by mosquitos. So we hauled tail outta there.)

(They are holdin' fuzzy catepillars!)

(When you sit on the neck of an elephant...it is a little difficult at the onset to balance because her shoulder blades and narrow and they are grinding beneath you. Chelsea named our elephant Dolly. Dolly had really stiff hairs all over here which were pretty uncomfortable to me. I forgot to ask her if she liked it herself. Oops. But she flaps her ears which slapped my legs...and provide an unusually surprising amount of warmth. At one point when Kimi was ridin' on the neck of Dolly...we were in the lead of the boys and their elephant. Their elephant kept tryin' to past our elephant...and Dolly kept shuttin' the boy elephant out. Yeah! Yeehaw, right? Then the boy elephant starts to race Thai Nascar-style and Dolly breaks into a pretty hefty trot. Kimi almost died...or crapped her pants...either one!)

(The boy elephant peed in the river when we were following them...then Dolly sucked some of the river-pee water up in her truck and sprayed in on us...yuck!)



On the Ping River we bamboo rafted and played pirates. Our rafts were pretty ghetto. Three of the six students fell through their rafts (Alex, Kimi, and Stanley). Most of the time we didn't even ride the rafts because we were too busy dunkin' each other and tryin' to take the others' boat captive. haha. It was fun. And the greatest part of all is that the students were swimmin' in the "disgusting water" that I always want to take a dip in. hahaha!

After the rafting escapades and some lunch, we loaded up in the song taw and headed back to Chiang Mai. I held my legs out the back of the truck to try to get some vitamin D on my legs. I got a little bit of sun and that made me happy. Why am I so stinkin' white in Thailand? UGH!
(Rice field)

(Four people on a motorcycle. Ralph has a picture of seven! Can you imagine?)

(Why are there no trashcans in this city?!?!)

(Here's a video of me ridin' Dolly! Enjoy:)