If you can't DODGE it, RAM it!

The adventures never seem to cease...almost, but not quite. A week after the Burrito Grande tried to kill us...another attempt was make on the lives of Marta and me. It was 7:45 a.m. and we are cruisin' on the way to school. We were driving on University Avenue which connects Provo and Orem. Along University Avenue is a paved path for runners and bikers. Out the corner of my eye I see something running along when I realize that the object is coming closer to the highway. I thought it was a runner until I turned my full attention towards the shrubbery. The runner was no runner at all! But a DEER! So I exclaim to Marta: "MARTA!!! DEER!" She slams on the breaks, but a collision seems inevitable so she swerved into the median/turning lane. The deer (this was no innocent Bambi, friends. She definitely had suicide in mind!) hit the front passenger's headlight and flew directly over the vehicle. Now, the good news is that the damage was minimal and that the deer did not decide to come into the car with us through the front windshield. Thank our lucky stars no one else was around...otherwise we could have...or the deer could have hit them also! (*phew*)
The emergency lights go on as we park on the side of the road and inspect the damage. Bumper dented, headlight busted, front passenger fender slightly pushed back (to create a loud popping noise everytime the car is opened.) The deer is laying in the lane of oncoming traffic. This Avenue happens to be a very frequented area. I knew we'd have to remove the deer. I had the smart idea of walking over there to drag the deer to the ditch ourselves...but once we saw the deer flailing about wildly! She wasn't dead! Now, I'm terribly grateful that I didn't act on my first impression to be a good citizen. If I had gone over there to drag the deer across the road...and as I grabbed her legs--she came back to life...I would have crapped ALL over myself!
Now the question still remained: The deer's gotta get out of the road. Who's gonna move her? We've established that she can't get up and walk away. That's out of the question. Also out is me movin' her. Nope...no way. Okay, more options? Aha! The police!
Now I ask myself, not rhetorically: Do you call 911 for a deer in the road? So I called Mrs. Nancy. She sent Bro. White to inspect us and the car...and she called the police. So Bro. White comes and we are waiting in the car for the cops to arrive (it was FREEZING outside!) when we look out the rearview mirror and see two mysterious men appear out of nowhere...they drag the deer out of the road. The grass was pretty overgrown, so we could no longer see the deer. But a man pulls a hammer out of his carpenter belt and proceeds to whack the deer atop her head. The man replaces the hammer in its empty loop and they disappear from whence they came.
The cop and deer removal truck finally show up...during this time of patiently waiting...I called my teacher's office because I was missing her class. Hallelujah syllabus in the binder! The cop asks Marta to fill out some paperwork so that she can have the accident covered by her insurance. La-de-da...we want for a long time. Apparently California is a LOT further away from Utah than we previously imagined. When suddenly there's a knock on the driver's window! "Miss, could you step out here? I'd like to discuss somethings with you." So Marta follows the officer to the side of the road.
He exclaims to her that he's not going to write her a citation for the deer. How awfully kind of you officer, seein's how I did not FORCE the deer to run into the highway in front of my car! Then he tells her that there is a warrant for her arrest! "Do you have $152 to post your bail?" Right about this time Marta is wondering if it's April Fool's Day. She doesn't have that kinda money on her...and she starts crying when the cop tells her that he's going to take her in since she doesn't have the dough. Then he looks towards the car and asks who is the passenger? "A friend," she replies. "Oh, is she the kind of friend who would post your bail?" the cop inquires. "*sobbing* I sure hope so!" The whole time I am oblivious and just don't want to ruin my perfect attendance record! Then the knock on my window! "Sondra, there's a warrant for my arrest...do you have $152...?" "Do they take debit?" :)
The cop says he won't put her in handcuffs...instead he'll just follow us to the JAIL!!! "I don't think you will turn this into a high-speed pursuit over $152." WHO DO YOU THINK SHE IS? Precisely! Marta's the type of crazy person that hunts down deer to run them over with her car and then races from police!
We get to the jail and the bail is paid. Marta's free to go...and it's only 10 a.m. Why didn't we just sleep in?