Scared of Eternity

When I initially dated Phil, I realized that I was too terrified to make an eternal commitment without any say-so from Deity. Not much has changed really to be quite frank. Nevertheless, after a semester break, I decided to casually give it another try. [Turns out that I'm good at casual, low-committed relationships.]

I am hesitant to make any long-term ("eternal") commitment because I haven't received revelation on the matter. Perhaps the timing is not right. Or "the" person has not yet come along. Or a katrillion other 'not right, not yet' issues.

I have heard the Lord speak directly, clearly, and loudly to me on several other occasions. Don't get me wrong, I'm not lookin' for the Man upstairs to give me all the answers. I'm a big girl...and honestly, don't enjoy bein' bossed around too much. But as my Father and Friend, I do expect a little bit of advice or guidance when I'm making eternal life altering decisions.
When I was investigating The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, I felt the blatant impression that I needed to get baptized "before it's too late." When I was contemplating serving a full-time mission--there was a talk given in General Conference: "Now Is the Time to Serve a Mission." When I was coming home from my mission and presenting my educational and career goals to the Lord, He specifically informed me that the Air Force was not what He wanted me to do. (That was a FUN conversation!)

My baptism ultimately affects just me [in the short run], though it does influence my interactions with future children, associates, etc. (Salvation is an individual matter while exaltation is a family matter.) My mission only has eternal consequences insofar as those I taught as concerned. My Air Force career is/was not a matter of salvation or eternity.

Quite honestly, I am exhausted on the reply that I "just need to have faith and exercise [my] agency." I've heard it time and again. I also, to a certain degree, don't buy the SWK approach that "any good man and any good woman can marry and make it work." Now, this is probably true if both parties were dedicated to the cause. But most people do not consider risk variables. If this person...whom I supposedly love were to get into a car accident and be paralyzed for the rest of their life...could I care for him? Would I still love him? Etc., etc. What about if one of the parties decided they didn't believe in the Gospel of Christ anymore? Etc., etc. The list goes on and on.

My Momma says that I'll "know" when it's right. And I'm hoping that is the case. Nevertheless, I still am romanticized by the notion of soul-mates, even though the Church does not support such notions. I know, literally, that the certainty of such a concept is near impossible, seein's how there are about six billion people who populate the earth at this current time. And of those six billion people there is supposed to be one handcrafted and designed in perfect compatibility for me. haha. Not likely. However, Doctrine and Covenants 88:15 defines the soul as the spirit AND the body. Therefore, from this definition a "soul-mate" would be someone to whom you are spiritually and bodily (physically) attracted and compatible--which doctrine is taught by the Church.

To gravitate more towards the low-commitment, less-frightening side of my story, I would like to share a few double-dates and experience I had this semester.

I hung out on several occasions with Matt and Stephanie. Matt was Phil's trainer from his mission. Stephanie, obviously, is Matt's significant other (yes, they're married). So I spend a little bit of time socializing with them. I admit that it's quite pleasant and I thoroughly enjoy their company.
The first double I had with them on the second go around was at "Boon-Docks!" Matt and Stephanie received gift certificates to Boon-Docks. They invited us to go mini golfin' with them. Now, I must confess that I am probably the world's worst mini golfer. I am the retarded lookin' one that always gets her ball stranded in the water or sand...or whatever trap has been laid for such stranding. haha. It's really quite pathetic. Nevertheless, I accept that mini golf is JUST A GAME and enjoy it nevertheless. Therefore, my strategy normal consists of "whackin' the crap out of the ball." It works out quite nicely I might add. haha!

So we went to Boon Docks and played several holes of mini golf. The first half of the game I was strokin' four, five times to get the ball in the stupid hole. But the second half of the game I hit three or four holes in one! And I ended up winning the game by about three points! The boys tied for second and poor Stephanie, who plays like I normally do, came in last. Everyone insisted that I was psychin' 'em out...sayin' that I was terrible when I really was a pro. haha. I couldn't convince 'em otherwise. Nice luck; fun times.
Then we went inside and played a few Chuck-E-Cheese style games that you feed the tokens to and they regurgitate tickets. We played a shoot 'em up game, basketball shoot out, and... I don't remember. But it was fun. We "won" a fan (like the kind they sell at the Zoo!), and rubber jumping thing-a-ma-jig, and a Chinese finger trap.
After our departure from Boon-Docks, we went to Sonic to get some ice cream. I got a banana split...which was wonderful. We shared mozzarella sticks. Then we called it a night.

I had so much fun and was so grateful for Matt and Stephanie's charitable contribution to said fun that I decided to repay them with a home-cooked southern meal. They were invited over for dinner and games. I cooked homemade gumbo, cornbread, and a homemade apple pie. After dinner we played a few games like Scategories and Catch-Phrase. I really love Scategories. I think it's my favorite board game. After playin' a few rounds...I will usually go throughout the week trying to think of answers to the letters and lists that we played. It's rather ridiculous. But I enjoy it. Our party was cut short because I had to go to campus to conduct a review session or something...I don't quite recall.

Then just recently, Matt and Stephanie invited us over again for dinner and a movie at their house. Stephanie is SO adorable. She's about five months pregnant and looks so cute! They also have two little puppies that are quick cute, too: Peanut and Cocoa.

Stephanie made us spicy chicken over rice, rolls, salad, and green beans. Then we watched "A Walk to Remember" with Mandi Moore. After the movie we ate cherry pie and played with the puppies and a laser. Dogs and lasers are rather amusing I must say! Haha. It's almost as fun as cats and random strings!

Another time...not as a double date...but just for fun, there was a "Slumber Party" without the slumber. We cooked together, played Othello (which I checked-out from the Wilk Information Desk for FREE!!!), filed taxes, did face masks, and watched "Sons of Provo." It was a rather long but enjoyable night...all in compliance with the BYU Honor Code! Woohoo!

I'm sure there's more random events that occurred. But I don't currently remember at the moment.